Aiki Journey Nidan Essay by Tenley Inouye Sunset Cliffs Aikido September 2001
	I began my journey in Aikido nine years ago. It happened to coincide with, what I considered to be, the onset of my adulthood. At the time, I was a naive graduate fresh from a catholic women's college, starting my first career in a new city. I had no idea of what lessons lay ahead of me. Through Aikido I have learned to express, develop and even appreciate certain aspects of myself and am continuously learning to balance these elements. For example, knowing when to be hard versus when to be soft while still maintaining myself as a lady. As an Asian woman, I've been groomed to act as a "lady" ever since childhood. Many of my parent's teachings are very compatible with Aikido philosophies such as, having humility, respecting your elders (or sempai's) and being compliant with the multiple rules of etiquette. However, after training a few years I realized there is much more depth to being a "lady" than being nice and following the rules. During a dark moment in my life I learned a valuable lesson in the importance of being assertive. At the time, I had a tendency to overcompensate for other people's aggressions by being "nicer". Essentially, I was placing their importance over my own, not realizing how much I was compromising my own integrity. Since then, I've taken that lesson with me every time I step onto the mat, especially when I step off the line to avoid a strike. It reminds me, that as an adult, it's my choice and my responsibility to myself to step out of harm's way. I clearly remember during that dark time hating the idea of being gentle and kind, which people generally associate me as being. I just wanted to be able to throw people (an ex-boyfriend in particular) so hard that their bodies would leave garish impressions in the ground. I of course do not truly desire this course of action and have not displayed aggression openly. I did however, run away to Japan hoping to become that powerful "aikido diva". This didn't happen of course, but to my surprise I had an epiphany. I thought about the people I most liked to train with. I didn't necessarily choose them because they were the strongest nor the most technically gifted, but rather because they were the most gracious. They were the ones who demonstrated great generosity and patience in the way they trained and instructed others. Suddenly I realized, that although qualities such as generosity, grace and kindness are not impervious shields to all of life's misfortunes, instead they envelop us like a blanket with warmth when life can be particularly cold. Nine years and many lessons have passed. Although they were not all pleasant, I am truly grateful for my experiences in life and in Aikido because they have made me more aware of my strengths and weaknesses, qualities that appear to be interchangeable upon any given situation without compromising my integrity. I look forward to the many years of living and training, in discovering my strengths and understanding the balance that exists in life.